First Day of School

Transferred from myspace. Originally posted August 22, 2007

My baby started kindergarten today. He was so excited, but I drug my feet up the stairs like I was going to meet my executioner. I didn't want him to go to school. He's been going to daycare for the last 2 years, so I was used to him being away from me and vice versa, but daycare and school are two entirely different things. Daycare is for babies and toddlers. School is for kids who are growing up. Last night we checked all his school supplies (again), made sure his uniform was ready (again), and talked about all the cool things he'd be doing (again). When I tucked him in, I knew it was the last time I was tucking in my baby. Today he would be a big boy.
He bounded out of bed early this morning and told me he needed to get dressed and go right away. I convinced him that he really needed to eat and brush his teeth first, but as soon as these were accomplished he was pulling on his clothes, grabbing his 'packpack' and tapping his foot by the front door. If he wore a watch I swear he would have been tapping a finger on the face of it and clearing his throat. When we got to school, he walked in, said hello to his teacher, look curiously at the other kids in his class (many of whom were crying) and started pulling out crayons to color the page she'd placed on his little desk. I took a ton of photos (Of his desk, his cubby, the picture he was coloring, anything I could think of really), until it was eventually time for me to leave. He gave me a hug and kiss and asked if I was going to pick him up after school (I assured him I would) and then he told me he'd see me later. I was dismissed. By a 5 year old. I walked slowly down the hall and steps and somehow managed to get myself into my car with relatively dry eyes. Once the car door was firmly closed I broke down and cried. Cried for myself, not him. I know kids are supposed to go to school, but it wasn't supposed to happen so soon. Today he took the first steps towards leaving and going on with his own life. Oh, I know we have many more years before he actually goes away to college (and there will probably be plenty of days when I can't wait for college), but today marked the begining of a new life for him. A life that would take him a little further from me with every day that passes. I am incredibly proud of him and how well he handled his first day at school, and knew this was inevitable, but part of me longs for that little baby and toddler who was happiest when he was with me and there was nothing to do, but play, sing and cuddle.