Ah, the holidays. Somehow they crept up on me and once again I'm suddenly wondering why there are lights up and Santas at every corner. Didn't we just have 4th of July like last week? How is it almost Christmas already? I am entirely done with my Christmas shopping, so I guess it's not THAT big of a surprise, but still it seems far too early. Maybe because stores start shoving Christmas down our throats in early October and we're all really numb to it by the time the actual holiday rolls around that when it's actually the real holiday time, we just don't care anymore. In every town there is always one radio station that plays 24 hour Christmas songs starting around November first. I boycott this station with a fervor generally reserved for the STL Cardinals or the White Sox. There are only so many Christmas songs (even if every Tom, Dick and Mariah do a version) and really, how long can you listen to them over and over and over before you get a little nuts? As we are now less than a month away from Christmas I decided I could lift the boycott and hear a few holly jolly songs. I punched the stations pre-programmed button and out came the warbling notes of Judy Garland, followed by Bing Crosby and that upbeat Melekeleki Maka. I love you Bing! Anyway, I'm cruising along, feeling merry and bright, smiling at bundled up passers-by and enjoying the twinkling lights when one of those sad sack holiday songs came on. Boy, nothing will bring you down like a sad Christmas song. We're not talking Elvis' "Blue Christrmas" here, because at least that has a fairly peppy tune, but have you ever heard "Christmas Shoes?" If not, it's about a boy who wants to buy his dying mother a pair of shoes for Christmas but doesn't have the money. Yeah, yeah, it's a sweet sentiment: poor boy, dying mom, Christmas miracle, blah, blah, blah, but come on! It makes me want to slit my wrists. Why do people write sad Christmas songs? Is there any wonder that the suicide rate goes up around the holidays? I don't know that that's true, but I heard it or read it somewhere and it sounds about right, so I'm saying it. Prove me wrong children, prove me wrong.
After the sad song, my Christmas spirit plummeted and I thought about looking for another kind of spirit. I do not condone drinking and driving though, so I had to nix it and hope that something upbeat would come on to bring back that Christmas-y feeling, but no, no. Christmas Shoes was followed by Toby Keith's "I'm right here" which again, wrist slitting urges. Good grief (Charlie Brown), what's up with all that? Holiday songs should be about snow and family and Santa and Jesus and stuff, not sad little kids and their dying moms or kids in a homeless shelter hoping Santa will find them. Yes, I do realize this stuff is reality for many people, but holiday songs are supposed to bring you up and make you feel the spirit of the season, not drag you down into the depths of sorrow and dispair. The next time a sad song comes on, I'm going to turn it off and start singing something silly like "I want a hippopatamous" or "Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey" and keep myself happy and bright. Boo on sad sack Christmas songs!
Oh, I want a hippopatamous for Christmas! Only a hippopatamous will do! I don't like crocodiles or rinososauruseses, I only like hippopatamouseses. And hippopatamouses like me too!
The only sad holiday song that gets a pass for me is Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogleberg. I know it's supposed to be a sad song about regrets and what might have been and what not, but it always makes me smile and think about the boys in my past and what would happen if I ran into one of them at the grocery store.
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5 comments:
Please don't slit your wrists, Lazy Writer!
You can always invest in the Chipmunks greatest Christmas hits CD. LOL
"Klickety-Klick Hee-Haw Hee-Haw!"
I loooove Dominic the Donkey!!!!!
The upbeat Christmas song here in Seattle that makes me want to jerk the wheel into oncoming traffic is "Sippin' In Seattle's Latte Land" It's all about some chick ordering her favorite espresso drinks and it's to the tune of Winter Wonderland. Sure, it was cute the first time I heard it, but it's on once an hour. Aaaaahhhhh! (squealing tires)
The thing about The Christmas Shoes song is that it's dumb. Just horribly, painfully dumb. I've turned into a granite-hearted Scrooge this year, though, so maybe I'm not the best judge of such things.
My favorite Christmas song is "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" as sung by Rosemary Cloony, and it precisely because it is tinged with melancholy and because of the lines "Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow. Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow." Because isn't that how we all feel at least some years. But the whole song isn't sad. It's just that little nod to the darker side of the holidays.
That's how you do it, suck-ass shoe-song writer.
You made some excellent points there. I did a search about the subject and hardly found any specific details on other sites, but then happy to be here, seriously, thanks.
- Lucas
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